I’ve always liked American shows, series (like “Three’s company”) and stuff, i guess culturally it fits me. I also love stand up comedy. Actually anything that has to do with it, stand up, imrpov etc. About a year ago i discovered a great show, “Whose line is it anyway”. It started as an English show, back in the eighties and then in ’98 it went to the states. I guess all my American readers should already know what i am talking about, all the othersshould have to take a quick look on Imdb.
While i watched all 8 seasons, i was taking notes on the best lines i heard on the show. Now, there are many many more, but here is a small list of my favorite ones.
They can be split up on different categories, starting with some of Drew’s solo lines:
my blow up doll run off with my air mattress
halloween the period which dentists like to call christmass
i’m Drew Carrey i never touched your daughter quit calling me
(after something embarassing) we usually have a lot to appologise on the show, put it on our account
welcome to WLIIA the show that Nostradamos never saw it coming
do you like happy endings? play the show backwards…
welcome to WLIIA the most fun you can have without renting shoes
If you are keeping score at home, God bless you!
I’m Drew Carrey and just like a muppet, i have someone’s hand up my butt
(Drew Carrey)Did you hug your daughter during the break? Did ya? Cause i did!
(Drew Carrey) Whose making love to your lady while you are out making love? That’s me!!
Hey I’m Drew Carrey or as Hanibal Lecter calls me “Dinner for two”
(Drew Carrey) …the losers get to calculate how deep the oceans would be if there where no sponges in it!
And here are a few from some acts:
(Colin looking at Ryan’s big blue shoes) How many smurfs did you have to step on to get those?
(after heavy joking about Colin’s loud shirt) Colin: I can’t believe i am missing bald jokes!
(Brad showing Colin’s bald head) You don’t want your forehead become a five-head if you know what i mean!
(on a scenes from a hat, the act was “slogans on t-shirts worn by George W. Bush”) The W. stands for “honesty”
(on a duop song) “you bended way back and ended with your head inside your crack”
(Ryan with a pilot hat)Wanna have a seat on my COCK-pit?
(Ryan as Adam, Collin as Eve) Ryan – “Whats is this?” Collin – “An extra rib. I was going to make a mistress!”
Finally, my all time classic. When the show started Drew always used the line “Hello and welcome to Whose line is it anyway, the show where everything is made up and the points don’t matter. That’s right, points don’t matter like…”
– security cameras on a 99 cent store
– as rediculus as an armed guard on a 99 cent store
– families of the politicians
– the boufet at a strip club
– like a peep whole in a nursing home
– if the points where on scooby-doo they’d be Vilma
– steak sauce in India
– parking tickets to a judge
– as useless as that computer you bought last christmass
– wedding ring on a bussiness trip
– whether your porn is on DVD or VHS
– point’s don’t exist like online privacy
– don’t matter like anything else when you own a porche
– breathmint on a garlic festival
– if the points where cheerleaders they would be guys cheerleaders
– if the points where military power they would be Canada
– like the talent portion of the Miss America contest
– just like that cute thing your baby just learned to do
– conversation at a strip club
– like whatever you say after sex
– like the police in Colombia
– women’s tennis. doesn’t matter who wins, just fun to watch
– like the angry voices in my head
– it’s like when i say “i love you” when i am drunk
– just like a strippers name
– like the tip jar at Starbucks
– like parking tickets
– like the food at hooters
– like a comb to Colin Mochrie
– just like how your x(-wife) is doing…
– like what your girlfriend says when the game is on
– how wrong your girlfriend is when you are having a fight with her
– like 4th of July in England
– like the host in WLIIA
– who has to use the bathroom after you do
– like the cost of your funeral
– what music they play during a lapdance
– like the guy that hosts the show where everything is made up and the points don’t matter
– your contractor’s first estimate
– the guy giving away the points on the show where points don’t matter
– acordion in an unlocked car
– how fat i am when i’m at a strip club (Drew Carrey)
– the Alaskan wilderness to an oil company
– morning breath when you are horny
– like a vibrator with dead batteries
– like who’s behind you in the buffet line
– just like my Ab machine (Drew Carrey)
I really laughed hard with this show. Have you seen it? Do you remember any line?